We are human. We like to get jiggy. I know I do. As often as possible. But I’m sick of sex being The Conversation.

Is it possible to plot a movie, show or series, or advertisement, that contains zero sex or romance? Is it possible to focus on other relationships and emotions? I’m confident we, as creators, can do better than plots centered on obsession, tween sex angst, finding one’s soulmate, and friends with benefits. Can we talk about anything other than who is fucking whom? Sex, sexuality, what trans-lesbian wants to have carnal knowledge of a unicorn guy, are not the somethings in which I am interested. At least, not twenty-four, seven.

What has happened to our culture?

Our state of drowning in dicks and dildos is a pendulum swing reaction to our conservative and restrictive history. In the 1940s and 1950s, we suffered a rut of roles: Men worked, women cooked. Barefoot and pregnant, women were to be seen and not heard. And men were to work until suffering that deadly heart attack — or go to some foreign beach to die in glory and honor. Historians a thousand years from now will describe it as a repressed and confused time.

Women were not to appear without makeup in front of company or their husband. Bras, girdles, and gloves, as in Edwardian or Victorian eras, ensured mystique. We did not discuss menstruation or menopause — and daddy sat in the waiting room while mommy painfully birthed the next in a line of never-ending children. Television and movie couples slept in separate beds and any bedroom scenes required each participant to keep on foot on the floor.

I’m confused. I can think of several sexual positions where my partner and I can keep one foot on the floor. But I digress.

Today, in response to that conservative era, sex is The Conversation. As I wade through Medium each morning, every third article topic is a blow job instructional, why big breasts are desirable, or Lois’ worst date. Society is obsessed with sexual orientation, finding a sexual partner, or how to cheat without being caught. Authors, fine artists, photographers, filmmakers, videographers, advertising execs: It’s all sex, sex, sex. Advertising, film, novels, songs — the obsession with intercourse and orgasm, with getting laid, getting some — has become chronic. Sex sells, yes. But do we not have other interests?

I think the creative world, ever striving for attention, is perpetuating this obsession. In several of my photography groups, the artists have an obsession with sexual images. Nudes in sexually inviting poses. Women all dolled up, pursed lips. Ugh. The feedback from other photographers is often supportive, but just as often crickets or critical.

Except for creating life — which is never the focus in our sexually charged culture — sex has limited return on investment. That chemical rush with the flirtation. The physical pleasure. Hell yes. The orgasm. Yes, please. And then what?

And then what?

If all this sex obsession focused on the miracle of creating another human, the activity would have a deeper meaning and a higher purpose. But the focus is on the “Oh Yeah, Baby.”

Humans did not learn to farm or raise livestock, cure diseases, build the pyramids and aqueducts, or get to the moon because of sex. We didn’t create language or write symphonies through blow jobs. Come on. We have other drives and passion that mean so much more. That result in so much more.

Advertisers use sex appeal because it captures attention. The viewer aspires to have that experience. To attract a desirable partner. Apparently, the orgasm is the human ultimate goal. After these years and years of appeals to sex in advertising, adults are numb to it. Tweens, teens, and children, however, are not. The attention-getters are targeting children with sex and sexuality. Parents are permitting — even encouraging — children to be sexualized for pageants and TikTok videos. Teachers boast of sharing sexual perspectives. It’s gone too far.

Let’s swing the pendulum in the other direction. As creatives, we can do better. As creatives, we must do better. Creative people lead culture. We have a responsibility to raise the vibration. To shift the focus. As creatives, our purpose is self-expression. To expose a perspective. We entertain, stir emotion, inspire, and invite critical thinking. But do we not also bear the duty to capture the human condition? Are we not the societal tools of self-reflection? Desire and sex are such minor aspects of that condition when we consider all that humans are and aspire to be.

Let’s talk about relationships. Let’s talk about love. Consider no award-winning film or book is centered on sex — but all focus on other types of love and relationships. Boogie Nights? The setting is the porn industry — the messages reflect on self-esteem. Brokeback Mountain focuses on cultural mandate and personal expression — and the lies to live an authentic life. Sex is incidental in both films. True masterpieces delve into the human condition on deeper levels than successful fluid exchange.

Consider these expressions of love:

We have philia: the love of friends or peers. Remember this by thinking of Philadelphia — the City of Brotherly Love. With philia we have affection. Camaraderie. Long conversations with one of shared interests. Support through challenges. We can be open. We can trust. How about Good Will Hunting? Not about sex. The Breakfast Club is a favorite example of philia.

We have ludus which is playful love. This love is the first flirtatious moments. The butterflies we feel when connecting with another human being. Rom-coms fit here, but I would argue this love arises not only between new dating partners, but also arises when meeting a soulmate friend. Fried Green Tomatoes or Tag are fine examples.

We have storge: love of one’s children. A natural oxytocin state. In our sex-driven culture, we have lost sight of this form of love. How can you say you love a child and expose your genitalia to one? You can’t when you appreciate the life-time scarring of a child exposed to sexuality. And frankly, you need a psychiatrist or a jail cell. Loving a child means nurturing that child. Protecting that child. Steel Magnolias, which could fit anywhere in this list, is a poignant example of storge. So is Mrs. Doubtfire, Matilda, or Hook.

We have agape: the love of humanity. This is the one on which I want to focus in my creative pursuits. This love is unconditional. Altruistic. Selfless. Consider Gandhi. The Blind Side. Seven Pounds. I barely recall the last porn I watched — but I can recite lines from those three films! Art that captures the human condition — whether in song, poetry, or sculpture — focuses on agape.

We have philautia or self-love. This is one form of love that has been completely lost. We hate our bodies and seek surgery, filters, makeup, and hours at the gym to transform. We go to therapy and take classes. We do anything we can to not accept self. To not love self. However, philautia can be found in literature, film, music, and visual art. We just don’t focus on it anymore. And herein, I assert that our abandonment of philautia causes our obsession with sex and baser pleasures.

Work on your self-esteem before defaulting to your next masturbation adventure.

We also have pragma, or enduring love. Consider this the opposite of eros. Pragma never ends. It’s so rare as we dispose of partners, friends, and family members to seek new relationships. This love takes patience and compassion. Have you watched or read The Notebook? Sure, we all watch and rewatch the “it will never be over” sex in the rain scene. But the story is about soulmates. Not sex.

With mania, or obsessive love, we have madness, obsession, jealousy, and possession. The experience results from low self-esteem and imbalance. From a misunderstanding of eros and an addiction to ludus. Consider Moby Dick. Ahab is obsessed. Much more compelling than if he had a whale fetish. However, society also glorifies this state of madness. Consider how The Police’s hit, Every Breath You Take, and Sarah McLachlan’s hit, Possession, have been romanticized. Both these songs explore the mental illness of the stalker, the rapist, yet they are regularly used as wedding songs.

It’s time we wake up to how sick we have become.

Eros, named after the Greek god of love and fertility, is physical passion. It is one class of expression. It lasts as long as the sexual act itself. Short-lived. One dimension of the human experience. And society has lost all sense of the sexual act as sacred. We’ve desensitized ourselves to the point sex is akin to having a snack or winning a board game. Perhaps our failure to pursue other forms of love has left us with nothing more than eros to help us feel something. Anything.

Let’s consider great love stories generally acknowledged to be works of eros. Any Jane Austen romance is not about the sexual passion between the lead characters. The novels are about society, friendship, women’s societal restraints, and personal growth. The novels explore societal expectations and emotional maturity. No one is having intercourse (except Lydia Bennet). Eros is not the focus.

Ask yourself: Is boudoir photography about eros (sex) or is it about philautia(self-love)? Seems to me those choosing to schedule a boudoir photo session are celebrating self. Are taking a moment to capture the essence of self. No matter the general understanding of boudoir, the act has little to do with sexuality. The images are intimate portraits of private, unguarded moments. The portraits celebrate the self at a moment in time.

The best and award-winning films focus on philautia — self-love and self-awareness. A character evolving, learning, and growing as a person. Any piece of literature deemed excellent revolves around character development. Even John Wick is about personal growth. And truly fine films include examples of each form of love. As an artist, take the challenge!

As creators, we can do better. Let’s awaken deeper, meaningful emotions in our fellow humans.